THE COLLEGE HILL INDEPENDENT


Novocaine For Lil Wayne

by by Malcom Burnley

On February 9, Lil Wayne faced a Manhattan court. Previously scheduled to enter the slammer, he instead drove away with his entourage fully intact.  A judge decided to delay his imprisonment, postponing sentencing until March 2.  Joan Illuzi-Orbon, the Assistant Manhattan DA, ruled that an unspecified oral emergency, reported by Lil Wayne’s attorney, requires pushing back the prison date in order for the star to undergo surgery.
The artist had previously pled guilty to illegal possession of a firearm, requiring one year of jail time. In order to carry out the necessary operation, the superstar will fly in his personal dentist to work on his six-figure, jewel-encrusted set of chompers.  Given the complexity of his sparkling architecture, the prospects of dental drilling make prison seem almost rosy.
It has been rough going for Lil Wayne in 2010, whose dental diagnosis came only a week after an I’m-cocky-enough-to-try-a-rock-album titled Rebirth, generated terrible reviews. His somberness stems from a genuine disgust of dentistry, understandable for anyone, but especially relevant to the bearer of grotesque grills, shifting his optimistic comments about prison in a February Rolling Stone cover story, saying: “I just say I’m looking forward to it.” Instead of eight-months-and-out on good behavior, he must now endure the excruciating eternity of a dentist’s waiting room.  This is not the “One Way Trip” that he expected.