THE COLLEGE HILL INDEPENDENT


Elegy for Rich

by by Simone Landon

[To the tune of LFO’s “Summer Girls”]

I think it’s sad when former boy band members die…
Do you remember LFO, and that summer…that summer?

Hair gel and long sleeve tees, your name was Rich
Leukemia made you sick
I don’t know why you had to die, what a bummer, what a bummer
I don’t know if you ever saw Lilo and Stitch
But you had a good handle on 90s kitsch
Your fly wordplay made other boy bands look way dumber, look way dumber

Big Willie Style, you always kept it jiggy
You were like Kermit and I was Miss Piggy
So lyte and funkie, how did you do it?
Your ex is horse-whisperer Jennifer Love Hewitt
Grew up in Kingston (MA), into hip-hop
Shari Lewis was the voice of Lamb Chop
You worked at blockbuster before you made it big
In England, William Pitt opposed the Whigs
Everyone loved the way “Summer Girls” rhymed
But my favorite song was “Every Other Time”
Who were those other guys? Devin and Brad?
They couldn’t match the charisma you had
Johnny Cash was the man in black
You’ve been gone a week but I want you back
I like Harry Potter but I hate quidditch
One thing I know is I’ll always miss you, Rich

Hair gel and long sleeve tees, your name was Rich
Leukemia made you sick
I don’t know why you had to die, what a bummer, what a bummer
I don’t know if you ever saw Lilo and Stitch
But you had a good handle on 90s kitsch
Your fly wordplay made other boy bands look way dumber, look way dumber

The Dallas Cowboys are America’s Team
You left me speechless like my man Mr. Bean
Pop rocks and cola are kind of risky
But I wouldn’t say no to a Coke and whiskey
You kept it straight-edge as far as I know
Loved autumn leaves and the winter snow
Your other big hit was “The Girl on TV”
In it, you even copped to being cheesy
But you shouldn’t worry about your reputation
They still listen to LFO on the space station
I don’t know if that’s true, but it sounds right
Do you think Pat Sajak ever boned Vanna White?
You always repped Boston as well as you could
Now there’s a hole in my heart where you once stood
I like Harry Potter but I hate quidditch
One thing I know is I’ll always miss you, Rich

Hair gel and long sleeve tees, your name was Rich
Leukemia made you sick
I don’t know why you had to die, what a bummer, what a bummer
I don’t know if you ever saw Lilo and Stitch
But you had a good handle on 90s kitsch
Your fly wordplay made other boy bands look way dumber, look way dumber

You’re up in heaven and that seems so wrong
I wish you’d left us with just one more song
Rich Cronin, now you’re out of sight
Death is a cave and you’re a stalagmite.

Simone Landon B’10.5 wears Abercrombie & Fitch.