THE COLLEGE HILL INDEPENDENT


Fall Horoscopes: Providence Arts Guide

by by Princessa Jones

Gemini

5/21–6/21

You are very receptive to changes in your artistic work this September, but first you need to change your lifestyle. The stars have prescribed an all-vegetable juice detox this month. Come October, you can and will do all the partying you want. This psychic predicts that many performances at Olneyville Warehouses and the RISD Tap room the weeks before Halloween will get your passion for the lush life reignited.  No mint juleps, though, for they are the color of envy. Which brings me to my next point: somebody is trying to destroy you out of jealousy starting in November. Watch out, check behind your shower curtains, and screen unsuspecting emails for viruses. Don’t be afraid to unleash your inner demon on the perpetrator. It looks cute on you.

Taurus

4/20–5/20

You’re acting very needy and boring this September. Let me give you some advice in order to ensure a better October: 1. stop calling your friends to confirm things that they don’t want to be a part of, and 2. try to expand your culinary palette—dump the Chinese take-out. Get off the couch, and show the world how special you are. If you start to open up your tastes, your mind will follow and break out of your stubborn Taurus ways. Have you ever been to The Steel Yard? Finally get over there to take a weekend workshop in early November, and you will realize how crafty you can be out of the sack.  In conclusion, this psychic says: go chasing waterfalls and don’t stick to the river and the lakes that you’re used to.

Aries

3/21–4/19

You’ve got a lot of chutzpah this fall. Don’t let it go to waste, because this psychic sees you sassing up Providence in a big way this September. It’s time to meet lots of new people and show off your bronco spirit. Go gallery hopping on Thursday nights (perhaps at the Providence Art Club?) to meet some new friends. You’re known for always getting what you want, and this fall you’ll get all the “inspiration” you want from your friends unpatented ideas. In October, Halloween challenges a relationship—did you try to match costumes from Savers? Big mistake. Get your life in order this November, and get cautious when a rival arises. On November 25, they plan on putting gum in your hair while you least suspect it. Don’t overreact, however. You’re better off smiling sweetly and secretly plotting your revenge.

Pisces

2/19–3/20

You’re not ready for the summer to be over, am I right? But don’t you worry. Things will continue to be rosy as long as you keep humility. Your passion in love and music that flourished this summer will culminate at a Karaoke night (try Muldowney’s or Hot Club). Unfortunately, this psychic must say that no one – neither your lover nor the crowd – will enjoy your rendition of “Lovefool.” Broken hearted, you really do become a love fool.

Look for a part-time job to ease your broken heart in October. You’ll get one styling the Target window display if you play your cards right. Finally, you’ll be back to your social butterfly self in November, Pisces. This psychic predicts you meet a moody Gemini who will confuse you with drunk texts. If you play hard to get, his or her heart will be yours.

Aquarius

1/20–2/18

You need to quell some bad habits left over from summer. Firstly, stop spending all your money at the Duck and Bunny. It’s out of control. And secondly, you must remember that the past couple months were fire engine red—you took lovers and broke hearts. But you’re not a fire fighter, so don’t play with flames anymore. In October, you get wildly social. Specifically, you go a little Twitter-crazy. In November, you will think you’re in a game of Clue, because of all the mysterious on-goings around you. Let me advise real inquiry — you are not imaging these signs! And may this psychic also give you your first lead: check out a poetry reading at the New Urban Arts Gallery on Westminster Street. And for Hanukkah, don’t forget to pamper your lover with an unbridled amount of gifts. They’re worth it.

Capricorn

12/22–1/19

You, you, you. You are so self-obsessed this early fall that all you’re able to talk about is a new obsession with a musical instrument or arty dalliance. Take it down a notch for your roommates’ sake. And perhaps go see the giant Moon sculpture in the Tristan Lowe exhibition at the RISD Museum to cut your ambitious ego down to size. In November, oh baby—children are in your star chart. Deal ASAP or else some major life changes are on the horizon.

Sagittarius

11/22–12/21

September brings a surge of new people, and you have them all under your thumb. Into the fall, you start to resemble a Martha Stewart catalogue—you’ll be surrounded by pumpkins, apple cider, snuggling and Halloween costumes. Don’t lie. You love it. Get therapy in November, and don’t resort to junk food and clubbing. Approach love as you always do, with an open mind but a protected heart, and you might arouse an interest at Live Bait at the Perishable Theater.

Scorpio

10/23–11/21

Your fall starts out uneventful, but lets get real. This should be a welcome change, you Scorpio rogue. Channel your intense natural energy into yourself rather than others. Go to yoga at Eyes of the World, get your ducks in order and sleep in your bed alone. In October, your boredom will make a romance come too easily while standing outside AS 220 after a free printmaking workshop. Don’t lose sight of your standard...or your bike. In December, you win awards. Congratulations.

Libra

9/23–10/22

You’re on the verge of the most intense relationship period of your life, and it involves a barista at Coffee Exchange. Go see the documentary on Jean-Michel Basquiat (“The Radiant Child”) at the Cable Car this month for your birthday. Discuss over drinks with your new babe to decide if your interests align as well as your passionate stars have.

In October, don’t be a flirt. A friend thinks you’re macking on their honey. In November, you’ll rely a little bit too much on WebMD and avoid the doctor. Even if a visit to the clinic proves nothing, it is important to calm your nerves. And if this psychic knows one thing, it’s this: only take advice from a professional.

Virgo

8/23–9/22

Though you don’t even care, you’re going to be super popular starting in the month of September. If you’re an artist or performer, fame is possible now. Keep in mind, though, it’s all about who you do—your success is tied to relationships. It is super tempting to pop a pompous person’s balloon with a sharp little detail, but beware of his or her networking abilities. You do want to get in with Lady Gaga when you and she attend the RISD Expose gallery opening November 20, don’t you? Lastly, in December, avoid all interaction with snow.

Leo

7/23–8/22

Dating a hot surgeon in New York? Thought so! Just remember–life imitates Grays’ Anatomy, and his or her coworkers are always “on call” if you know what I mean. In November, avoid getting onto Subways and eating at Subway, for you are accident-prone during this moon-cycle. Instead, stay local and walk over to the Fire House 13 for an art opening or concert. And thankfully, in December, your life turns around for the better. Your clumsiness turns to grace and you become the new Providence Roller Derby recruit.

Cancer

6/22–7/22

Congratulations on getting to fashion week! From small town to big city, you have come very far this summer. But careful! The city is not for the light of heart, and there are sinners ‘round every corner. Come fall in the gritty city, you will experience productivity, creation and rebirth. Consider taking an apparel or interior design class with RISD Continuing Education to turn that energy into bettering your life. In November, you must stop being so sensitive and get over it. In December, you’ll realize you can do much better.