Ever feel like your sign doesn’t quite fit you? When people read traits of your ‘scope to you, do you wonder how on earth you can be a Virgo who isn’t neat? A Gemini who hates to talk? A Sagittarius who hates to travel? Well, perhaps you’re not digging deep enough. Your traditional sign is your sun sign. The sun sign is determined by birthdate. There are 12 signs, each with a different relationship to the sun at thirty-day intervals throughout the year. The sun sign generally acts as you can imagine: it represents your ego and your conscious life. However, astronomers can also calculate your moon sign. Your moon sign governs, like the moon, your mercurial, emotional identity. It’s basically your unconscious and can tell you quite a bit about your intuition and attitudes in life. To determine your moon sign, you must know your exact time and place of birth. Because the moon has 28-day cycles rather than year-long cycles, it has a rich and complex relationship to the time and place of your birth. To find your moon sign, go online to the Indy-approved: http://www.lunarium.co.uk/
Pisces moon! You are a sweet thing. You are the quintessential water sign, with the flexibility to go with the flow. How- ever, you may be boastful in your ability to put yourself in others’ shoes. Your performance in the local community production of Othello will strike a weird chord with
a couple of the audience members. Your thespian abilities will convince them that you actually are a manipulative villain. Watch your back for the townsfolks’ suspicious eyes.
Aries—you’ve got some fire. Fiesty and prone to bouts of wild energy, you’re never a bore. You always take the party to the next level, for better or worse. After a pleasant all-day drunk
Spring Weekend, you’ll push forward and attempt to attend a very black-tie cocktail party af- terwards. Remember to curtail your conceit, Aries, or else you’ll learn that taking your shirt off in the presence of bowties gets you a one way ticket to rehab.
Stubborn Taurus. Since your moon, rather than your sun, is in Taurus, you may hide your set-in-your- ways nature. Underneath it all, emotionally and socially, you’ve got a method for every- thing. Somehow you’ve managed to convince some poor Political Science major to go to the GCB night after night on dates. Beware, though, because she’s not as patient as we are for your premature boringness. You already have a job at Bain next year, so loosen up. Or else you’ll be Mitt Romney by next summer.
Gem, you are a fun one. Emotionally adaptive, commu- nicative, and mercurial, you’re the sign that is the most in love with your friends. You’re completely in the present mo- ment—but should probably remove yourself once in a while. The intensity you bring to those around you is moving from endearing to weird. The boy in your chemistry class thinks you are flirting with him. On April 21, you will go to Boston and pick up a wild festish for cobblestones. Try to resist. It’s mostly your electric nervous energy that has you confusing infatuation with love—of architectural forms.
Dear Cancer. You sensitive, sensitive soul. Your feelings were badly hurt last week: your friend, who was writing a thesis in the form of the play, did not end up basing a character after you and your roommate’s zany lifestyle. I mean, come on. However, you need to just create your own influence on your friends life or else you’ll end up bitter, going to Coffee Ex- change when you’re 60 for a bit of social interaction. Seriously.
You noble soul. You will find satisfaction in the mundane aspects of your life this week. Suggest a novel wrap at Geoff ’s, and find yourself flirting with Andrew, the 27-year-old work- ing off his drug debt. You and he bond over Shedd’s Sauce, but once you find his large stash of whiskey, you realize it’s getting way too real. That’s kind of desperate. No worries—while you find your emotional sustenance in interactions with other people, this one doesn’t seem to affect you. On to the next one.
Robotic to a fault, you always want to control everything in your world. Your need, emotionally, for a fair and just system of peace keep you from rocking the boat with your significant other. However, you need to take her to dinner more often. You’ve got a job next year in Silicon Valley, and we hear shit like that makes tons of $$$. Your stinginess with monetary and emo- tional volatility is silly: you will not get hurt very soon, so be free, Libz.
Virgo, we feel terrible. We haven’t given you a good horoscope yet. But we didn’t realize that even though you are obviously neat and a little uptight, you still leave your heart out on your sleeve. This month, invest in someone who appreciates that— vocally. The boy you wake up next to might not look familiar, but that’s just because the bore you’ve seen working at the Blue Room hasn’t always appeared as the sex tiger he truly is. Make him love you for you.
You dramatic, dramatic soul. The poem you write this week to your roommate (with whom you are in love) might
freak him out. In the long run, you’ll still get tons of
coffee with him. As an intense sign, you value the loyalty of
the ones close to you. But you have to realize, some of us are just flaky. You are a lovely sign, and if you find the right person to go along with your thoughtful plans, you’ll have a nice end of April. Beware, however, the beginning of May—your professor will try to sleep with you once your thesis is graded.
Sag, not everyone wants to hear what you have to say about Buddhism. We’ve all heard it. However, your endearing earnestness about the Youtube videos you continue to show us will still win our hearts. Deep down, we’re meant for you, Sagittarius. Meet us in the foothills of Spain on June 13. We won’t be wearing anything except a loincloth made of canvas. XOXO
Cappy, we love you. Your final film project was amaz- ing, and left us shaking to the core and sexually aroused. Your intuition will steer you well in these next three weeks. Stay clear of dried fruit in all ways —literally and figuratively. Your solid ground and persistent emo- tional nature will serve you well in the future, so don’t worry about graduating: your loyalty and trust in friends will only multiply in effect. We always say: “Capricorns are old young and young old.” So, cheers.
Aquarius, you have always wanted to be a painter. That’s your emotional, intellectual side. But you have to realize that your emotional life may never match up to physical reality, and that’s both a problem and a virtue. To combat this will be exhausting, but will be a lasting feature in your life. This will come to light in late May, when a building that you desperately love ends up being completely non-existent. It was all a dream. Despite the fact that Barnes and Hope never held your imag- ined gallery, you’ll fall in love with the world and your creative endeavors.