THE COLLEGE HILL INDEPENDENT


Gaga-Scopes

by by by Alexandra Corrigan

Want us to figure out what your moon or rising sign is? Tweet @INDYOCCULT .

Capricorn

GAGA: Money Honey

Capricorns are the most successful of the signs, hardworking, honest and earnest. You’d make a good politician. However, we’ve never identified with you (we’re a cusp!) since you’re kind of...plain.

From July 2009 until this July, due to eclipses in Cancer and Capricorn, you’ve gone through a massive re-invention process. And beware, the night of the drag-party, October 27th, Capricorn’s Pluto will link to Taurus’s Jupiter, so look out for the Bull in a dress.

Aquarius

GAGA: Born This Way

It’s the Age of Aquarius. Creative, weird and generally spacey, Aquariums are always the artists of the group.  Attractively airy, don’t try to pin them down: they’re got commitment issues.

You’re love of fall -- new gel pens, tweed jackets -- will reinvigorate you once again. You’ll really hit your stride hot-gluing your Halloween costume, but don’t commit to a joint costume too early: an enemy lurks.

Pisces

GAGA: Telephone

Pisces get along with everyone -- and I mean, everyone -- except for Aries. They’re fluid, so they’re the most accommodating friend you’ve got, but watch out for their clinginess.

Pisces -- try to find more rock and roll in your life. You’re all wishy-washy these days, taking yourself to bed early and doing laundry regularly. It’s time for some action.

Aries

GAGA: So Happy I Could Die

Confident but stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, Aries always get what they want.

Mars passes through your sensitivity for adventure and speculation. So, despite rampant speculation and advice from others, its time to take your own bull by the horns and do whats right for you.  We see you hitching a ride down to the Wall Street protests (but don’t mention your interview at Barclays).

Taurus

GAGA: Monster

When arguing with Tauruses, one must know how invested the Bull is in the discussion. Their core beliefs never change, but they’re willing to think and accommodate others for things that don’t matter to them.

You homebodies are always sticking to the plan. This month, you’ll be tempted by an indulgence. Be moderate, but don’t constrain yourself. Froyo won’t kill you.

Gemini

GAGA: Poker Face

Witty and talkative, Geminis are the social butterflies of the zodiac. They’re fun and good natured, but don’t take their word at face value.

Gemini, sorry, but you’ve got a lot of work to do this October. What you’ve got to focus on is molding your work or career out of something you love anyway.

Cancer

GAGA: Dance In the Dark

Being around a Cancer can be like walking on eggshells. When not moody and sensitive, they’re the sweetest, most transparent depressive you know.

September was not totally ideal and your biggest concern with be something with your home-life.

Leo

GAGA: Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

This planet-reader doubts Leo’s stereotype—we’ve never met two alike. That said, Leos are known to be extroverted, gregarious and indulgent.

Play sick October 13th. Skip the Japanese Ambassador’s talk and just order Sakura delivery. Chill, invest in academia, and realize that without his ironic mustache, that boy is not with your time.

Virgo

GAGA: Scheibe

Virgos are like everyone’s hyper-rational ex-boyfriend: overly intellectual, they’re fabulous at writing a paper, analyzing the pros/cons of the movie, and exhausting your patience for criticism.

All of your assumptions about money are going out the window. Consistently low-paid and appreciated, your job has just evaporated into an unpaid internship in secretarial work. You gotta work it out, step it up, and apply out.

Libra

GAGA: Summerboy

Libras are really “balanced”, which we think means boring. Nice though, they’re always your roommate’s chill boyfriend who you’ll happily third-wheel to drinks.

Y’all are so anxious these days! The friendly sign can expect a surprise windfall and an autumn sweetheart.

Scorpio

GAGA: Paparazzi

Scorpios are intense, guarded and deeply faithful. If you’re friends with one, it’s for life -- whether you like it or not. Also, they’re really sexual -- ahem -- “passionate”.

Scorpio! You’re missing the value of what you have and pining over what is. Yes, your new boy toy is at home posting photobooth pictures on facebook instead of seeing you. But can’t you just appreciate a good make-out in Ruth Simmons’ yard at 2 am?

Sagittarius

GAGA: Just Dance

Sag, you defrost our cold, bitter heart. Philosophical, intelligent and athletic, we’ve never met a Sagittarius that we don’t like. Your fault? You tend to leave people in the dust, moving on to new adventures.

Sagitarius, welcome to a high contrast month. You’re a mutable sign, though, so you’ll adapt. Lots of changes will find you.