THE COLLEGE HILL INDEPENDENT


Horoscopes 17 November 2011

by by Alexandra Corrigan

Oh, love. It's all you need. Isn't that right, @YokoOno? Easier said than done, sadly. So while we proclaim to be no expert in the matter (unless one counts ability to do ineffective love spells with Trader Joe's-brand sage?), we've learned to read up in the meantime. You know, for the future. Or whatever.

As it turns out, love in the universe is not a complicated thing, dear readers! Compatibility rests on two factors: similarity of element and difference in personality. For our purposes, we will concentrate on the matches of the sun signs. (And, disclaimer, we realize the limitations of looking at only where the sun is when one's born. It's just that the moon and the other planets move too fast to give an overview! So don't break up just yet. Give it like a week.)

First, each sign has an element. Matching elements with your lover is key.

Fire signs are enthusiastic, romantic, bossy and spontaneous: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Earth signs are practical, earthy, physical and materialistic: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Air signs are intellectual, communicative, idealistic, cold and impractical: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Water signs are emotional, intuitive, sensitive, moody and self-indulgent: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Second, romantic liaisons do not often work out when personality styles are alike. For example, two flexible types or two initiator types will compete rather than jive. So mix and match!

Fixed signs (Persistent): Leo, Taurus, Aquarius, Scorpio

Mutable signs (Flexible): Sagittarius, Virgo, Gemini, Pisces

Cardinal signs (Initiator): Aries, Capricorn, Libra, Cancer

Capricorn (12/22-1/21)
Your days of love are finally upon us! The Taurus who was dressed in full drag has stuck around until now. Since that sign is your ideal lover, I suggest ordering take-out from Mills Tavern, putting it on some plates, and invite him over for a "home cooked meal."

Aquarius (1/22-2/19)
Your love life is filled with two extremes—the emotionless airy types (Geminis, Libras) and the opposites you're attracted to—Cancer and Virgos. Your time has...not come. You'll think a Leo is more sensitive than he is, and he'll end up boring you to death over details from his thesis.

Pisces (2/20-3/20)
Oh, sweet Pisces! You could love anyone you'd like, and make it work, too. However, you should probably stick to Cancers and Scorpios during these serious, snow-ridden months. Their mood swings and fierce loyalty both freak you out and keep you interested. And if anyone can stop your raging ADD, it's them.

Aries (3/31-4/19)
You are the most conceited and romantically thrill-seeking of the signs. Meaning, its not like you're doing anything bizarre in the bedroom....but you're definitely not averse. You're not quite ready to settle down, so we suggest you use this boring month to get cozy with the freakier of your compatible signs: Geminis and Aquariuses. Don't get sassy, though, Aries, or else you'll end up with that boring Libra who goes to Starbucks.

Taurus (4/20-5/20)
You have a truly stellar fortune for the next eight months—especially in love! You're a workaholic, but this month is when you get in touch with the sweeter side of life. Watch for a fellow earth sign who has you romantically interested, because that one will last until spring. Or at least until #OccupyWallStreet ends.

Gemini (5/21-6/20)
Gemini, you are playing with fire. Your least compatible sign, Sagittarius, has got you on a hook and refuses to let you go. If you're not serious, you can play around, but realize it's only a matter of time til your heart hardens or gets crushed. Sometimes it's better to be silly with a less philosophical type. A Libra could be fun and can always be found lurking outside Salon for an easy pick up.

Cancer (6/21-7/21)
Sensitive Cancer, what are we going to do with you? The loyal, fashionable Scorpio you've been lusting after for months doesn't love you. Learn from it, move on, and maybe try sleeping with another Cancer. They'll never impress you with their forward sexts, but you can both cry together during the mom scene in The Darjeeling Limited.

Leo (7/22-8/22)
Leos, this astrologist is going to go out on a limb and say you need more of an intellectual counterpart than anyone--so pursue that Virgo with nerd-chic sarcasm. He'll make fun of you for being so loud in the library, but will join you happily at all of your parties. This one could last, if you treat it right.

Libra (9/23-10/22)
You're balanced, and don't care much for intellectual stimulation, so find a fun Aquarius. Look for her at your next literary magazine's meeting or RISD opening. She'll be the girl knocking back her third glass of expensive wine. Just roll with it.

Virgo (8/23-9/22)
You are not the type in the limlight. In fact, you want to do nothing but worry. And worry this winter you will! Instead of pursuing your stable lovers (Taurus, Cancer), you’re more freaked out by a parent’s love life. SRY Virgo! Your advice is to stop thinknig so much, and by January you’ll make out with acute Sagittarius.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21)
Despite what you think, you don't get away with being anonymous very often. Intense, loyal, and, dare I say it, sexual, we think of you as a great red-brown/burgundy color. Which is why we're thinking that you might go well with that witty nerd (Virgo) from your Contemplative Studies class. Whatever you do, stay away from the good-looking Taurus from Coffee Exchange. That love is boring and painful.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)
Oh Sag, philosophical and idealistic, you belong in the arms of a thinkerly Aquarius or a genius Leo. You'll find one in the desert in the sands of vacation, while doing research on esoteric forms of trance music. Be careful Sag, because you're like a bird--you always fly away. Avoid boys with cages.