Admittedly, I didn’t watch this year’s State of the Union. My philosophy on this event (in general) is that it’s a vulgar display of rhetoric; to quote a friend on Twitter, “dont care about the sotu, responses, or the united states.” Boringly, clips and quotes from Trump’s speech—as well as liberal and progressive responses to it—dominated my own Twitter feed on Wednesday morning. Here’s what I learned: guests included several vets tokenized for their injuries, a little boy named Josh Trump who purportedly gets bullied for his nominal likeness to 45, and a coalition of female Democratic reps dressed up in white pantsuits in a nod to early twentieth-century suffragette fashion. AOC grimaced for the entire address, whereas Nancy Pelosi clapped when Trump bragged that “America will never be a socialist country.”
Fast forward to like, nine years from now: America is an anarcho-syndicalist utopia, money has been abolished, and the only federal holiday we still observe just so happens also called the State of the Union—a day when union leaders get together across the country and give local public lectures about the state of The Union as such! And, also, there’s no more Valentine’s Day.